The Will To Live
by Kazekage-Temari
Summary: He HAS to save his best friend, his rival, his comrade, his precious person...Neji said he was the only one who could save Sasuke from the darkness. But what if Sasuke was dead...? Naruto won't allow that!


**A/N: **interpret this however you like, whether it's love or friendship or both.

**Perspective: **I used both Sasuke's and Naruto's perspectives. Since I am telling this from two points of view, my writing skips back and forth between their voices, and as a result the writing skips slightly back in time when I switch voices.  
**Setting:****[warning: SPOILERS!]** after Sasuke leaves Konoha and after the three year time-skip in which Naruto was training to become strong enough to bring Sasuke back. Sasuke has defeated Orochimaru, Itachi is dead, and Naruto is trying to find Sasuke after the Uchiha has completed all his other goals regarding Konoha.  
**Warning:** I'll admit it—this is really dark and sad. But that doesn't mean it has a sad ending. Oh, and I used the word bastard once, haha. I don't think that counts for much.  
**Inspiration: **it's based on my own translation of Noriaki Sugiyama's song _Kogane no Hikari (Light of Gold)_. He voices Sasuke and I thought it fit something about Naruto and Sasuke's relationship. My translation is below (you can also find it on youtube—my name is Sasha11119).

Thanks for help with the translation go to Hiroshi M. Sasaki, , , , and _A Guide to the Functions of Structural Particles in Japanese _by Ken Butler.

**Light of Gold**

In the light shifting through my fingers now

my fighting spirit is hidden, the light in my eyes still reflected.

I fear the wind's opposite answer, crying

as I continue to gaze at your courage.

The truth of kindness and fragments of pain

pierces my heart and passes away.

Inexperience resting in the palm of my hand, an endless tomorrow

I will give to my precious person.

Taking a step forward on a journey, the sky spreads far—

I fly high and feel, but, even so, I want to dream…

In my light of gold

I believe from the heart.

I promise…

Though I've been wounded, I've silently accepted my wounds,

and fought against my own destiny with a clear mind.

Warmth is missing, but to the endless future

I am tied by my beloved person.

I lose my way in darkness—the distant road

is so long and hard, but I will keep on walking.

I am not ashamed of strength in my light of gold.

I promise…

In my light of gold

I believe from the heart.

I am not ashamed of strength in my light of gold.

I promise

eternity to that person.

______________________________

**THE WILL TO LIVE**

As I lie here on the rocky earth, the light of life is ebbing from my fingers. The fire in my eyes is slowly growing dim. Everything I have ever lived for is done—I have accomplished all my goals—but somehow it does not give me satisfaction. My chest is empty of any feeling, as if my heart has already stopped its rhythm.

The will to live—I don't know if I have it anymore, because of this.

I can only see blood and ash and the dark sky, but all I can think about is his bright smile, and those old days when I used to hide my glances from him. I would turn away from him so he could not see the light in my eyes. I kept that glance a secret and buried it deep inside my heart until I almost forgot. Fear far greater than anything I had ever felt—a secret fear that grips your mind tightly and doesn't let go—stopped me from looking back into those blue eyes. But I didn't want that smile to go away. I continued to gaze after him, always a step behind, watching as he smiled just out of reach, as if he was standing a thousand miles away.

Itachi had told me to cling to the pitiful life that I had left, and I was too terrified of losing anyone else close to me to disobey my older brother. I didn't let anyone get close, but somehow that one boy managed to slip his way into my heart. I tried to pull away from him, but I couldn't break the bond—I couldn't _kill_ him—I couldn't stop my own feelings, because they were too far out of control. And it was his fault for making me like that.

Every second I had ever looked into his eyes had added to my guilt—and the growing fear that it would all be taken away from me at fate's whim. But perhaps now I've given up against fear—or maybe fear has lost to weakness of another kind. I don't think I have enough cruelty or self-hate in my heart any longer to resist what I've always wanted—and that is to let myself feel the warmth of his smile. I can only wish with my dying breath that things were different.

The past is a jumble of pain and even more painful fragments of happiness—those fleeting moments when he held my hand.

It all fades away now as I look up at the dark sky.

______________________________

I'm running as hard as I can. It feels like my lungs are being ripped to shreds. The bodies of dead shinobi lie everywhere, their clothes bloodied and covered in soot. I'm searching for _him_, but I can't find him anywhere, as hard as I've been looking.

I see torn white silk and rush over to take the man's shoulder. I lift his face, only to drop it again in anger. It isn't Sasuke! I need to find him! I run doggedly on, nearly tripping over myself. I am so exhausted. The wounds I got from my last fight are opening up, and a searing hot band of pain cuts into my side. I grit my teeth. I can't let anything stop me from getting to him! After three years, I'm so close to getting him back. It's been _so hard_…I can't give up now! I'd never be able to live with myself. I'd never be able to live without _him_.

After he went to Orochimaru, I realized how much I needed him—how much I _still_ need him. His absence was like a hole in my chest. Every day I felt it, slowly growing, becoming more and more terrifying. I didn't want to think about never seeing him again. I said I'd become stronger, and I tried…but maybe after all this time, I'm not strong enough to save him, to get him back. I need to try harder! I tell myself to keep running.

Memories are flashing through my head—I remember how he'd always look away when I smiled at him. He would scowl. But sometimes I'd catch that soft look—and the upward curve of his lips. He would always hide it. I was stupid and I didn't know why—and then at the Valley of the End he told me that he would break our bond. He could have killed me only with those words, not with his fists. But I finally understood the distance he kept between us. He thought friendship was a burden. No, he _wanted_ to think that.

I start running even faster, squinting to keep the tears out of my eyes. That bastard won't get away this time.

______________________________

Gazing up at the dark sky, I realize I've surrendered to these stupid childish dreams of mine. I used to fear that bond I shared with him. No, I still fear it. But no matter how much it burdened my heart, I wish I could see him again. I know I would stay with him—forever. But the sky is swallowing me, and I have no reason to go on living. I have done what I lived my whole life intent on doing—hating, killing, and destroying like Itachi told me to do. Picking myself up from those mistakes is impossible. A new path is opening and I feel myself taking a step into the darkness, because it is the only thing left.

But even so, that bond we shared was so strong that it will not break even after death. This is a bitter ending, but at least I will never forget his smile, not even when I'm lost in the darkness of the other world, surrounded by the dead. I losing myself in that darkness already—the distant sky nearly breaks my heart as I continue on this path. But in my heart I still hold the light of his smile, and with that, my heart is too strong to break.

But suddenly, I don't want to die…I don't want to go without seeing his smile. No matter where I go after I die, it would be like hell without him. I've been so foolish—just like Itachi said—but even he didn't know the extent of my foolishness. I always thought that emotions and attachments created weakness, but look how strong they have made _him_. You could always see it in his eyes! But—I was too afraid—I was never looking in his eyes. I was foolish….foolish enough not even to see, until the last minute, that our bond—

It was something much stronger than friendship.

My eyes must be closing because it is growing dimmer and dimmer. They're stinging— whether it's from overusing the Mangekyou Sharingan or crying, I'm not sure. It could be both. But it hurts, and it distracts me from the other kind of pain—the kind you can feel in at the back of your throat, and in your heart.

I didn't know I was crying—but as I reach up to feel my cheek, I realize that it's wet. Those tears slid from my eyes silently. I haven't made a sound, or moved one limb, lying here on the hard earth. I've just blinked up at the dark sky and my inevitable death. Have I really become this cold-hearted? I think I must be smirking at myself now because I am so pitiful. _He _would clench his fist and smile in death's face, but I can't find that determination. Even so, I'm somehow holding on to this world. I haven't given up yet…I'm drawn to the light of his smile, even when he's not with me. Just the thought of being with him again—that what is binding me to this world.

______________________________

Panting, I fall to my knees. I can't find him. I'm getting dizzy from exhaustion and panic, and I can't think. I don't want to think. If he was dead—if he was dead—I clench my fists and try to calm my breathing. My heartbeat is pounding in my ears. This can't be the end. I make myself get up even though my legs are shaking, and I take a step forward.

I stumble, nearly falling to the ground. I catch myself just barely in time. I won't lose, because I don't know how to lose, and I _can't_—I need to keep going. Taking a deep breath, I take another step. Stumbling through the darkness, I make my way across the field of fallen bodies.

I'm looking everywhere, but I can't see white silk or his dark hair—my chest hurts, that hole reopening in my heart as the image of his face flashes before my eyes—his eyes closed peacefully, a ribbon of blood dried at the corner of his mouth, as he lies dead. I feel my fingers burn as Kyuubi's claws pierce through my flesh. The world looks red through the haze of anger shrouding my vision. There would be no point in living if he was gone—no reason to have hope.

Wasn't our bond too strong to be broken like this? At least I could be allowed to hold him and see his face as he leaves this world. But no matter where I look, I can't find him! This can't be the end. His face—still and sleeping—that was my imagination. I can't believe anything until I know it's true—I won't believe anything until I see his face with my own eyes.

I open my eyes and the world is grey once more, no longer tinged red with anger. I won't allow myself to lose it again. Kyuubi can destroy me with rage, but only after I've held him before—I can't think about that.

I keep going. I lose track of time as I stumble along. And suddenly, I see him.

He's lying only a few yards in front of me, and his clothes are stained with blood. I don't care about anything else as I rush towards him. I collapse on the ground by his side, and my hands are shaking. His eyes are closed. A shock of electricity runs through my body. This can't be happening! I move closer to him, almost cautiously, and he seems to see me through the darkness because his eyes flicker open and then he coughs. _He's alive._ I lift his shoulders off the ground and hold him in my arms, my face pressed into his shoulder. I can feel myself trembling as I grip him a bit too tightly by the arm.

I raise my head to look in his eyes. His face is emotionless, but I can see the lines that tears have made down his cheeks. Then he blinks at me and makes _that face_—the smile that's not really a smile. It's too subtle to be called a smile. But I know that everything is okay. My eyes widen and the breath I didn't realize I was keeping breaks out of my chest all at once. I think I'm smiling at him, but I'm not paying attention. I have him back! I have him back. _Sasuke._

______________________________

The darkness is interrupted by blue—the purest blue. A shock runs through my body and I cough violently, wincing at the pain that flashes through my chest. It clears my mind and my eyes race open—he grasps my shoulders and pulls me closer to him. I'm lying in his arms, his head on my chest. I feel his shoulders shaking—in anger or grief—or shock, I can't tell—and suddenly, it feels like the sun is rising as he lifts his head and looks into my eyes. The pain in my chest eases. Staring into his eyes, I must have done something, because Naruto _smiles._

It's a new smile—almost uncertain, shadowed by fears and sorrows. But there is that same light in it that there always was. My mind can only weakly recognize the warmth in his gaze—it's the same look he always gave me, when I was brave enough to meet his eyes—that look of rivalry, and friendship, and something else much stronger. He buries his head in my hair and I realize my eyes are opened wide, staring at the blue of the heavens above me. I can't stop it now—I can no longer guard my heart against him.

I know that now I will always have the will to go on living.

______________________________

"Why do you go this far for me.."

"For me…it's one of the first bonds I've ever had."

- Chapter 229: Bonds

______________________________

Comments are great, and so is constructive criticism.

—hug—


End file.
